My confidante - rain

Dark clouds, with the rain, bring nostalgia.

Memories buried deep, in a corner of the heart,

Hidden from everyone, concealed from ourselves too.

Somethings you have forgotten ever existed,

The rains germinate them.

With the first drops comes petrichor,

The smell, it makes you a kid.

Deep inside, you wish schools get cancelled,

Only to realize that you now attend a school called life that takes no days off.

A hot 'cutting' is the craving now.

Rain gets heavier and thoughts get denser,

Staring out of the window, you think of her.

Nothing specific, just her, and the memoirs.

Rain aggravates the thirst to find the meaning; of that something unknown.

Tea gives way to a glass of neat scotch.

There is a rain within you, something you have saved for the dry summer days.

The rain within you, and the rain outside,

When both worlds collide,

Sparks fly out of the water,

Sparks never meant to be ignited!

Rain brings the desire for solitude.

For really you want no thought,

Just you, and the solitude,

And the blank gaze at the drops falling on your palm,

Then slipping out of your hand.

Rain is a person, unlike any other weather.

He comes, he destroys, he gives life…

Your wish for solitude is in fact a wish to be alone,

With rain, who knows all your deep secrets,

Because you have confided in him!

The Counselor

It was the second day Som sat sulking. Didn’t feel like doing anything, couldn’t pay attention to anything. The images on the TV moved and he sat staring at it blankly.

In comes the counselor friend, Nick!

One look and he knew what his friend was up to!

“Oye Hero, wassup? Valentine’s hangover?”

“Hmm.” That was all the reply Som could muster.

Nick walked straight to the fridge, grabbed a beer and plopped on the couch. Taking a sip, he said, “Ditched you? Wait, let me guess! Over the phone?”

Frustrated, Som asked, “What do you want?”

“Pass me those chips. And what is this shit you are watching? Hand over the remote.”

Som, wordlessly, did as he was bid.

The search for a good show was over and Nick’s mind was free to ask.

“So tell me, did she say: ‘It won’t work’ or ‘I don’t want to hurt you anymore?’”

“You are the enlightened one! You have guessed enough already, make more guesses!”

Nick reduced the volume of the TV and said, “Listen! From one friend to another - no one will give you this knowledge for free. Experience and life have taught me all this. So take it.

“It was your first love! First love is good. Great if it is her first too. Well, that doesn’t mean it comes with a guarantee! But yeah, you can enjoy it.

"The second one though is an eye opener. You realize love is not that fairy tale you thought of, or if your first love relationship was pleasant, this second one is remote from pleasant. Again exceptions prove the rule. Some need many second ones for their sleepy eyes to open. They are the more hopeful lot. A sprinkle of water is not enough sometimes. A full pail is required.

But yeah, it is rough. Either the other person is just playing with you, or so you think. Or simply that you think this is not the love that you want.

“Third love is a myth. Don’t get me wrong, there can be third relationships. The part of you that wants to love is dying. And you don't want the guilt. You feel you are becoming more and more like your first. So you don't want that third. You don't want more people to blame you. Like you blame them. Your conscience is hurting already for having fallen for the 2nd time. For you had hopes. I’d rather say perhaps coz you were brave. But now it is different. You might be brave, I don't doubt it. But there is a side that is keeping you from tormenting someone. Like you were betrayed.

"Suddenly all of it becomes clear to you. Why your first acted the way she did. You realize that you walked in the same shoes. And you regret for what you think you did. You know how much it had hurt you and can only imagine how much it would've hurt your 2nd.

"You start to see yourself in a very negative light. You feel no one deserves you because you are getting more and more like the person you once hated. And you hate yourself for that. But that doesn't help. In no way will it ever do. You will run away from people who are attracted to you. You feel like the flame. You see the moth coming to you, but for all you know, it will be better off at a distance, feel the warmth, get some light. The closer it gets, you will burn it, and you will kill that innocent creature.”

Som interrupted, “And you speak all this with experience?”

“Oh yeah, totally! I used to be the moth. Now I am the flame!”

“You recognize the problem; please enlighten me with the solution too!”

“Only one solution! Stop the blame game. Que sera sera! Focus on other things, read, take a vacation, go out. The last thing on your mind right now should be getting in a relationship.

“Before that, I’d ask, ‘Do you know why she broke up?’”

“Yeah. She told me what made her decide. Not that I believe it but yes, she told me some stuff!”

“Ok. Try to understand her position, see if the pondering helps you believe the reason she gave, and take it - satisfactory or not. If she wants to be with you, she will be back. And don’t act foolish if she does come back! If you are with someone then, reject her offer, but be friends! Remember the days you were together and how happy you were. Crunch, crunch, crunch. But my words are not final. You can find love as frequently and easily as you get a six on a fair die! Trivia time: in archaic English, die is to have an orgasm. Anyway, talking of a fair die, actually life is both fair and unfair based on how you look at it.”

TV was the only source of voice for some time before finally Nick said, “Damn I should be a counselor!”

Apollo and Dionysus

They argued, they fought.

He loved it. She hated it.

He was the critique, she was the connoisseur.

He cursed the flaws, she appreciated the efforts.

He wanted everything to be precise, she believed that feelings need to be true.

He liked the presentation, she liked the essence.

He emphasized on screenplay, dialogues meant a lot to her.

He was the mind, she was the heart.

He was the Sun; she was the moon.

Apollo and Dionysus.

Best friends they were, separated by all the known dimensions - space, time…

But the portal connecting their hearts was intact,

Unknown to the society, warping the beliefs.

The spark remained, perhaps never to be ignited.

Cross my heart. Not!

At first he was skeptical. Often when she had called him urgently, her talks were intimidating and that ended up making everything awkward. Not that she was condescending but she was realistic, practical. And that was his worst fears. And so today when she said she wanted to talk, he was scared, for he knew not what new blast of reality he would have to brave.

He reached the old fort and waited. She called on his phone to know where he was and minutes later, he saw her.

He hated these moments. No actually he dreaded them. How could he hate any moments spent with her. When he saw her, she beamed a smile at him and he knew things were different today. His fear was slowly evanescing. After a brief hug, they sat at their regular bench, gazing out at the city lights starting to come up. She eventually broke the silence around the birds returning home and the sun going down.

She had come up with an idea, a thought. And she wanted to tell him about it directly, tête-à-tête. Not on a phone call, nor through texts. She said, "You know, I don't know what we are doing with our lives." These words made the ghost of his fears start to materialize again. But she continued, "When in my teens, I would chat with my friends and all of us would believe in the happily ever after story. That all things will be good. That true love was not just true and pure, but also flawless, impeccable. Like Walter White's meth." Although that drew a laugh between them, he was not sure where this was going.

She said, "I would think me and my love, we would be like parallel lines. Always together."

He interrupted, "But parallel lines never meet?"

She replied, "Yes, but they are always heading the same way. Okay, imagine that the lines are parallel but they are only a teeny tiny distance apart."

He nodded his approval waiting for a glimpse of clear skies to know where they were heading.

She continued, “But you see, as I grew up, as life started turning from rainbow to shades of grey, I realized those parallel lines don’t exist. It’s an irrational thought.

“But then, you would not want to be intersecting lines too. Along all the paths that they tread on, they meet just once, only to move further away from each other after that. I have had such an experience. Sometimes you wish things were different, sometimes you feel it was necessary. Believe me the few moments that you are closest are the best that one can have, then there is the intersection and parting forever. Here, life does not ask you questions. It is you ask those. Bombard life with questions like: why did this happen, when will this happen, why is he not with me, why did our paths cross in the first place? But are there any set of lines which you would want to be?

“I would always ponder over until this afternoon. This afternoon, I found out what it is between us. You know, we are like the Sine and Cosine waves of the same amplitude, and our wavelengths like totally match. At most times, travelling parallel, then we intersect, and after some moments of bending and mending our ways, we run parallel again. And this goes on and on… Forever…”

He did not know what to say. His confused face made her repeat, “We’re like Sine wave and Cosine wave, parallel at most times, yet intersecting at times infinite!”

He still failed to understand why he was called there to meet with this level of urgency. He did not understand her at times, at times she was a riddle. But if she was the Riddler, he was no Batman, he was just her man!