Kuch Nazme

Here are a few lines that I wrote in recent past. They're already on my instagram page, but I coun't forget to update my blog right?

So here are a few ones!

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My confidante - rain

Dark clouds, with the rain, bring nostalgia.

Memories buried deep, in a corner of the heart,

Hidden from everyone, concealed from ourselves too.

Somethings you have forgotten ever existed,

The rains germinate them.

With the first drops comes petrichor,

The smell, it makes you a kid.

Deep inside, you wish schools get cancelled,

Only to realize that you now attend a school called life that takes no days off.

A hot 'cutting' is the craving now.

Rain gets heavier and thoughts get denser,

Staring out of the window, you think of her.

Nothing specific, just her, and the memoirs.

Rain aggravates the thirst to find the meaning; of that something unknown.

Tea gives way to a glass of neat scotch.

There is a rain within you, something you have saved for the dry summer days.

The rain within you, and the rain outside,

When both worlds collide,

Sparks fly out of the water,

Sparks never meant to be ignited!

Rain brings the desire for solitude.

For really you want no thought,

Just you, and the solitude,

And the blank gaze at the drops falling on your palm,

Then slipping out of your hand.

Rain is a person, unlike any other weather.

He comes, he destroys, he gives life…

Your wish for solitude is in fact a wish to be alone,

With rain, who knows all your deep secrets,

Because you have confided in him!

Aolani

You call it love?

The fear I have of losing her,

The desire I have to care for her,

The passion for craziness, to share with her...

On a journey to the unknown

That I have embarked on,

No signboards I see here,

The path created as I march on...

A fellow traveler she came as,

And all I hope for is the paths to run parallel.

If this is what you are calling love, then,

To love or not to love, that is the question...

Sorry I am!

We met one fine evening

Me, in a tux and a bow.

She in her emerald gown

Radiant her glow.

In a few days, we knew it,

Forever we could go.

But some douche bag I was

Things hurt my ego.

She gave me her all

And all I said was 'no'!

Now I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I need to lay low.

So here, take my stone heart

And bury it in the snow.

Coz I'm sorry

I never surrendered to love...

The Counselor

It was the second day Som sat sulking. Didn’t feel like doing anything, couldn’t pay attention to anything. The images on the TV moved and he sat staring at it blankly.

In comes the counselor friend, Nick!

One look and he knew what his friend was up to!

“Oye Hero, wassup? Valentine’s hangover?”

“Hmm.” That was all the reply Som could muster.

Nick walked straight to the fridge, grabbed a beer and plopped on the couch. Taking a sip, he said, “Ditched you? Wait, let me guess! Over the phone?”

Frustrated, Som asked, “What do you want?”

“Pass me those chips. And what is this shit you are watching? Hand over the remote.”

Som, wordlessly, did as he was bid.

The search for a good show was over and Nick’s mind was free to ask.

“So tell me, did she say: ‘It won’t work’ or ‘I don’t want to hurt you anymore?’”

“You are the enlightened one! You have guessed enough already, make more guesses!”

Nick reduced the volume of the TV and said, “Listen! From one friend to another - no one will give you this knowledge for free. Experience and life have taught me all this. So take it.

“It was your first love! First love is good. Great if it is her first too. Well, that doesn’t mean it comes with a guarantee! But yeah, you can enjoy it.

"The second one though is an eye opener. You realize love is not that fairy tale you thought of, or if your first love relationship was pleasant, this second one is remote from pleasant. Again exceptions prove the rule. Some need many second ones for their sleepy eyes to open. They are the more hopeful lot. A sprinkle of water is not enough sometimes. A full pail is required.

But yeah, it is rough. Either the other person is just playing with you, or so you think. Or simply that you think this is not the love that you want.

“Third love is a myth. Don’t get me wrong, there can be third relationships. The part of you that wants to love is dying. And you don't want the guilt. You feel you are becoming more and more like your first. So you don't want that third. You don't want more people to blame you. Like you blame them. Your conscience is hurting already for having fallen for the 2nd time. For you had hopes. I’d rather say perhaps coz you were brave. But now it is different. You might be brave, I don't doubt it. But there is a side that is keeping you from tormenting someone. Like you were betrayed.

"Suddenly all of it becomes clear to you. Why your first acted the way she did. You realize that you walked in the same shoes. And you regret for what you think you did. You know how much it had hurt you and can only imagine how much it would've hurt your 2nd.

"You start to see yourself in a very negative light. You feel no one deserves you because you are getting more and more like the person you once hated. And you hate yourself for that. But that doesn't help. In no way will it ever do. You will run away from people who are attracted to you. You feel like the flame. You see the moth coming to you, but for all you know, it will be better off at a distance, feel the warmth, get some light. The closer it gets, you will burn it, and you will kill that innocent creature.”

Som interrupted, “And you speak all this with experience?”

“Oh yeah, totally! I used to be the moth. Now I am the flame!”

“You recognize the problem; please enlighten me with the solution too!”

“Only one solution! Stop the blame game. Que sera sera! Focus on other things, read, take a vacation, go out. The last thing on your mind right now should be getting in a relationship.

“Before that, I’d ask, ‘Do you know why she broke up?’”

“Yeah. She told me what made her decide. Not that I believe it but yes, she told me some stuff!”

“Ok. Try to understand her position, see if the pondering helps you believe the reason she gave, and take it - satisfactory or not. If she wants to be with you, she will be back. And don’t act foolish if she does come back! If you are with someone then, reject her offer, but be friends! Remember the days you were together and how happy you were. Crunch, crunch, crunch. But my words are not final. You can find love as frequently and easily as you get a six on a fair die! Trivia time: in archaic English, die is to have an orgasm. Anyway, talking of a fair die, actually life is both fair and unfair based on how you look at it.”

TV was the only source of voice for some time before finally Nick said, “Damn I should be a counselor!”

Wanderlust

As he kissed my forehead that night,

I had slept with a smile on my face.

But when I had woken up, he was gone.

Somewhere between that last smile and the morning,

He had left. Where to? I knew not.

From the day I truly knew him,

I had feared that I'd see this day.

He was not the one who could be tethered.

He was born to be free, to go out there.

And today, a year has passed since that day,

I have waited every sundown.

Expecting to hear from him, to see him.

I have craved to meet the man I love.

He wanted to travel, all over the world.

I know not where he might be now

Maybe Paris, maybe Alaska, or perhaps in India.

All I know is I must find him, be with him.

I shouldn't have stayed, bound to safety.

So now, I am setting out.

With a hope that our paths will cross,

Someday, somewhere, if it is destined.

Serendipitous perhaps...

He loved to wander...

I wander for love...

Memoires

Reorganizing your stuff is not always a pleasant idea, but at the end when all looks sorted and nice, it gives immense satisfaction and pleases the mind. Not always though.

Yesterday was that exception. I came across the little CD she'd given when we parted. Full of songs that portrayed her feelings.

I realized I'd been staring at it a long time before I decided to play it. Loud enough that I was swaying to the jazz and swing and 60s-70s rock and pop.

All was good till it came to the ABBA song 'Hasta Mañana'. Words are like stones, they can sharpen a mind like sword and they can also shatter the heart of glass.

Luckily, the feeling lasted only for the length of the song. Perhaps because following it was the mambo number 'Sway'. And all was good and I cheered up again.

Some more songs saw my desk and wardrobe all assorted. Some songs that made me dance, some that caught me staring into emptiness. But it was done now. And the disk was to be shelved again.

If not the sorted wardrobe, then at least the fatigue makes sure you sleep well. Maybe not as well as the idiomatic 'baby's sleep'. Perhaps because babies don't have to organize their stuff. Long since my mother did it for me.

But I slept well. No dreams, no nightmares. Good sound sleep.

I had slept alone, tired. But I woke up with her thoughts. Thoughts that could disturb the whole day, make it difficult to focus on your work. They were there, there I was. And there she was, far away.

I had thought I don't care anymore, that I didn't give a damn. But the fact was that I did. And it took just a few songs to remind me of that. A few harmless, melodious tunes but lethal words.

What can I do now? I better keep that CD shelved.

Have I told lately, that I love you. Have I told you there is no one else above you. Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness. Ease my troubles, that's what you do...

Perhaps not anymore. No more.

Cross my heart. Not!

At first he was skeptical. Often when she had called him urgently, her talks were intimidating and that ended up making everything awkward. Not that she was condescending but she was realistic, practical. And that was his worst fears. And so today when she said she wanted to talk, he was scared, for he knew not what new blast of reality he would have to brave.

He reached the old fort and waited. She called on his phone to know where he was and minutes later, he saw her.

He hated these moments. No actually he dreaded them. How could he hate any moments spent with her. When he saw her, she beamed a smile at him and he knew things were different today. His fear was slowly evanescing. After a brief hug, they sat at their regular bench, gazing out at the city lights starting to come up. She eventually broke the silence around the birds returning home and the sun going down.

She had come up with an idea, a thought. And she wanted to tell him about it directly, tête-à-tête. Not on a phone call, nor through texts. She said, "You know, I don't know what we are doing with our lives." These words made the ghost of his fears start to materialize again. But she continued, "When in my teens, I would chat with my friends and all of us would believe in the happily ever after story. That all things will be good. That true love was not just true and pure, but also flawless, impeccable. Like Walter White's meth." Although that drew a laugh between them, he was not sure where this was going.

She said, "I would think me and my love, we would be like parallel lines. Always together."

He interrupted, "But parallel lines never meet?"

She replied, "Yes, but they are always heading the same way. Okay, imagine that the lines are parallel but they are only a teeny tiny distance apart."

He nodded his approval waiting for a glimpse of clear skies to know where they were heading.

She continued, “But you see, as I grew up, as life started turning from rainbow to shades of grey, I realized those parallel lines don’t exist. It’s an irrational thought.

“But then, you would not want to be intersecting lines too. Along all the paths that they tread on, they meet just once, only to move further away from each other after that. I have had such an experience. Sometimes you wish things were different, sometimes you feel it was necessary. Believe me the few moments that you are closest are the best that one can have, then there is the intersection and parting forever. Here, life does not ask you questions. It is you ask those. Bombard life with questions like: why did this happen, when will this happen, why is he not with me, why did our paths cross in the first place? But are there any set of lines which you would want to be?

“I would always ponder over until this afternoon. This afternoon, I found out what it is between us. You know, we are like the Sine and Cosine waves of the same amplitude, and our wavelengths like totally match. At most times, travelling parallel, then we intersect, and after some moments of bending and mending our ways, we run parallel again. And this goes on and on… Forever…”

He did not know what to say. His confused face made her repeat, “We’re like Sine wave and Cosine wave, parallel at most times, yet intersecting at times infinite!”

He still failed to understand why he was called there to meet with this level of urgency. He did not understand her at times, at times she was a riddle. But if she was the Riddler, he was no Batman, he was just her man!

Dole monn akarono horshe!

“Get up fast, fast!” Nobonita said as she pulled Shriya out of her chair.

Shriya reluctantly got up. “Girly, you are crazy. It is still some time for the bell to ring. The sky won’t fall if you enter the class 5 minutes late.”

Shriya continued talking, “Have you got the assignments completed? That old Gupta will be pissed off if you go without it in his class. Last week he kicked that Suman guy out remember na? ...”

But Nobonita was not listening. Her mind wandered somewhere else. She seemed confused, looking for something around. Something very important.

“Now will you walk faster? You got my lazy bum off the canteen chair and now you can’t even lift your leg?” Shriya complained.

Nobonita smiled but still walked at the same slow pace. She had nothing to say, but was deep in thoughts. She checked her watch. It was just moments for the bell to ring. She slowed down even more.

The bell rang. Anush picked up his bag and ran out to meet his friends. He rushed past the group gathered around the professor out the door.

He didn’t see her coming, bumped into Nobonita. In the process, she dropped her bag. Already in a hurry, he looked into those eyes, and the world slowed down. But his mind was flooding with thoughts. He had to rush, he was late, but he was lost. He gathered his stuff, looked back at the sparkly, Kohl eyes. Damn Bong girls!

“Sorry!” He said and ran again.

Nobonita’s world still ran in slowmo. She would love to rewind and relive it!

When snapped out of her state of trance, Shriya teased her, “Mission Successful?”

“Huh? What mission? What are you talking about?”

“Oh come on girl, I know you feel the butterflies! I know why you run everyday to make it on time! I am not that dumb a girl!”

Nobonita still wore a smile! Her mind was intoxicated. She remembered the lines her granny would sing, Rabindra Sangeet, Mor bhabonare ki haway matalo, dole monn dole akarono horshe!!!

(My thoughts are confused by which intoxicating winds? My mind sways for no reason, with a delight!!!)

Goodbyes are not forever!

She was sitting in her room when she heard a squeaking sound of the brakes of a car. She went back to the pondering state.

Minutes later, she heard the doorbell ring and her mother opened it. She heard his voice. “Hi ma’am, I just wanted to meet her once. I hope you don’t mind. Is she home?”

“Yes. She is in her room.”

He walked to her room with heavy steps. As he stood there, his heart raced as it always did when she was around. For her, she did not know what she felt. On one hand she felt reluctant to open the door, on the other hand, she prayed that he would bring the door down if she didn't open it. Her hand trembled as she held the doorknob. She could hear her breathing, and also his on the other side. With some efforts, she opened the door and saw him staring into her eyes.

He stood there, mere feet away from those beautiful, unblinking eyes. He took a step closer to them. And said, “Uh… This is a bit awkward but you know I am leaving. I just wanted to hug you before I did.” She opened her arms to receive him. After what seemed like eternity, they separated. She would not say a word. He took the hint and said, “I’ll take your leave now. Stay blessed!” She walked to him to the door. Her mom said, “You are leaving? Wait for lunch at least.”

He replied, “Actually, I am in a hurry. I have double parked too. Maybe some other time.” He knew there was no other time. He looked at her for one last time and walked away.

She saw him walk away. She said to him, “I know that!” He looked back and smiled. And went on.

As she closed the door, she sat on the couch staring into emptiness. Her mother broke the silence. “I had warned you. I had told you this would happen. This path would not take you far. It wasn't long before you realized it.” She replied, “You know it very clearly Amma. I could hear only what I wanted to.” Her mom argued, “Yes. And I always said that your paths intersected but they were never parallel.”

“Can we not talk about this? You are patronizing me.”

“As you say. You take some rest. I will call you when lunch is ready.”

He sat in his car and looked back at the window where she would stand. The time he saw her felt like a Sunday afternoon. He could cherish it only over the rest of the day & perhaps sleep over it. But he'd have to get up early the next Monday morning. As if shaken to wake up after a good dream.

He looked ahead of him and started to go farther. He looked in the mirror. Some things in life were best for you when seen in the rear-view mirror.

Forever

“My lord, we need to abandon the citadel. We are outnumbered.”

“No! I must stand. Leave if you all wish to. Gather more men and come back. Come back to help me save this place.”

“But my lord it is not an intelligent option. We cannot fight without a king. We need you.”

“No Gallus. I cannot leave the love of my father when it needs me. I promised my father that I will protect her forever, I cannot see it fall.”

Gallus knew the Emperor was blinded by the darkness of fear. He had stood alongside the Emperor since the day he was enthroned. Never had he seen those eyes so dark.

He remembered the day the Emperor was standing beside his father on this death bed. He could still see the fire he saw in the dying man’s eyes. His last words were etched on the Emperor’s mind. “Son, your father has worked his life to build this city. Take good care of it. Promise me, that you will safeguard it with your life!”

The Emperor, looking at the burning pyre, took an oath. He would protect the city forever.

Gallus remembered this as if it was yesterday.

His Emperor would not budge. He was known in the land as a man of his words. And he would rather die keeping his oath. But his oath was to protect the city forever.

FOREVER. It might’ve seemed impossible for Gallus, men are mere mortals. But for the Emperor, there was still hope. His gaze travelled east, where he saw the golden banner of the rearing horse against the darkening sky.

His men were arriving, for his aid. To help him keep his promise. He would safeguard the citadel, forever!

Forever. Yes…

Ere the tree falls...

Thou wist thy heart beats hard,

Thou canst feel it race,

Thou canst feel it against thy chest.

All it doeth is take away thy sleep,

And the open, teary eyes showeth nightmares.

                         

It might've been thy truest part,

It might've been thy life.

It might be thy history.

But it is not thy destiny.

Ere the set of sun,

Ere all changeth to memories,

Where the place, whither we meet,

There nigh the tree that hath now been hewn!

Sunshine!

Ever noticed the smile I get on my face when I look into your eyes?

Why do I smile?

Why do tears roll down my eyes?

Why does my heart beat ever so fast?

Because it is you who make me feel so special.

So blessed I am to be there for you.

So lucky I am to know that you will come to me.

That you will call out for me.

That you will run to me when the world is lonely.

That you will find refuge in my arms when it is dark everywhere.

That you can sleep peacefully with your head on my shoulders.

That when all roads are blocked, the one to my heart will always be open for you.

That when the world is against you, I would get to kiss your forehead and make your worries vanish.

That when you need someone to understand you, I’ll be summoned.

That when you feel like sharing a word, my ears will be blessed by your voice.

I feel proud when you say that I’m the only one to have accepted you for who you truly are.

But the reality is that you are the one who has actually understood me.

No one ever has touched me so deep, nor do I have any expectations from anyone else.

I’ll never find anyone like you.

You are like my guardian angel, looking over me at all times, happy or sad.

When you look at me, I see my world smiling at me.

When you give me that sweet smile, I see the stars shining down on me.

When you shine like the stars in glee, I feel I’ve been blessed.

When I feel blessed, I can’t hide the smile.

So every time I smile at you, just know that I love you.

And will always do.

Forever and ever.

I’m forever yours my Sunshine.

Keep shining on me.

Be Bold, Take Risk!

He could see the spark in her eyes. It was difficult to explain the vibes he encountered with every glint. He thought of them as glowing fireflies. When she looked at him, when their eyes met, the fly glowed and then she looked away perhaps shy. But that moment felt as if the firefly disappeared, only that he realized that it was not the glow or the firefly that diminished, it was his world growing dark when she looked away.

He knew this time that she was the one. He should not lose her. He’d been shy earlier and now he repented every moment of it. But now he could not afford to be bereaved of the magic moment he would share with her because of his coyness. If he’d learnt anything from his earlier afflictions, it was this; to be bold. If you don’t ask her out, someone else would. You would need to take risks. “To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing”. He could feel the words coming from an unknown source in his mind. He would realize the miracle of life only when he’d start to live an unexpected life. We have to convert the mundane to extraordinary and that takes courage. Risks need courage. He remembered Paulo Coelho’s word: Magic moment. “…that (magic) moment exists – a moment when all the power of the stars becomes part of us and enables us to perform miracles.”

He mustered all the courage he had and walked up to her. He feared nothing but being away from her for being a coward under the pretext of being shy.

He got up to walk to her desk. She looked at him getting up and smiled. That smile gave him some confidence. He rolled back his shoulders and held his chin high.

His heart hammered against his ribs. He took a deep breath and said, “Hi!” She smiled. He smiled back coyly and continued, “Would you like to go out with me tonight? We could have dinner together and catch a movie perhaps. If you can’t or have some other plans, it is okay. I won’t feel bad. I completely understand it’s such a short notice and I’m not sure if I’d be the best company to spend a Friday night with…..” After the first two sentences, his manly voice had micrified to a feeble mumbling. She cut him out and said, “Actually I do have some plans for tonight, so I can’t really go out with you for a movie.” His face still wore a smile but he was despondent inside to the core. She continued, “I need to go to my friend’s pretty late tonight so maybe we can go out for dinner!” his heart was now racing. He wanted to say a lot of things, wanted to act as if it was not a big deal, and he was cool, and he wasn’t really excited, but true emotions can hardly be hidden behind a mask. He was ecstatic and it reflected on his face and in his voice as he said, “Thanks! See you at 7:30 then, I’ll pick you up!” She gave him an ethereal smile as he turned back towards his desk.

It wasn’t that difficult, he thought. Perhaps it was a magic moment!

Barcelona

It was a warm, pleasant evening. Not just the weather, but being with her always made it warm and pleasant. It was an irony of life that despite being a couple, they’d meet once every 3 months and the bliss would just last a week. He believed that this made the bond stronger. The longing to meet her was what made the 3 months worth living, and then the few days in her company would seem like heaven.

She however hated to be away from him. Her work had handicapped her. She could not go with him on his trips, nor could she resign. However much exciting it may sound, she hated his job. Being a wild life photographer was his dream and he was living in it. She wanted to be a criminal lawyer and (touch wood) she was doing great! Why couldn’t he like something which kept him with her all the time?

But both of them would leave behind everything for that one week, to be lost! Lost in a place which neither of them knew, in a place where he knew only her and she knew just him. A week on the bewitching beaches of Barcelona had been a great choice for this time.

A room overseeing La Barceloneta beach might’ve been heavy on the pocket, but sunrise over the Mediterranean with her head on his shoulder was priceless. Tomorrow’s Mediterranean sunrise would be the last one he’d be with her. They sat in the balcony as the night had begun to set in. Reliving the moments they spent together, savouring them before they parted for another 3 months!

Tomorrow's last sun would rise to bring hope!

Sunrise at La Barceloneta beach!

He kissed her on the forehead as she smiled at him. These were the times when no one needed to speak. Just look into her eyes and they conveyed the message. The moon was up already and the stars had just started to show up. He looked at his watch, 20 minutes to 10 pm, 21^st June. He looked back at her.

She saw what his eyes said. Getting up to go back to the bedroom, they just wished to live every moment of the shortest night of the year!

Life is but a dream!

“Go ahead, open it!”

“What?”

“Aren’t you going to sleep, baby?”

“Just this last paragraph and I’m done. But what did you say right now?”

“Like, when are you going to sleep?”

“No. Before that? What did you say?”

“What did I say? Did I say anything?”

“Goodness me! You don’t remember what you said seconds ago?” She cachinnated.

“Don’t ridicule me. I’m half asleep! I haven’t even opened my eyes.”

“I know. But never seen anyone blabber in their sleep!”

“Maybe I’m not blabbering. Wait! Did I say something like: ‘open it’?”

“You said, ‘Go ahead, open it.’”

“That explains it!”

“Here, look at me dear.”

“No, I don’t wanna open my eyes yet. You know, uh, I can… I can see this image in front of me: We’re at some fair; you, me and Adira. It’s some kind of a fair. We’re playing Bingo and Adi’s won something and I’m telling her to see what she’s won. So the words ‘Go ahead, open it’!”

“It seems you’re equally excited as Adi about the carnival visit tomorrow! Perhaps that’s why you’re thinking about it.”

“Well, that’s okay! I have had dreams earlier. It’s just that I usually don’t remember dreams! It’s like… I know it’s a dream. I know I’m describing it to you! I know you’re here, and you’re here for real! But I’m still in the dream!”

An awkward silence followed.

“You there?”, he inquired.

“Yes. Yes, I’m right here. Just don’t know what to say. Well, nothing’s wrong with you for sure. I’d say you better have a good sleep, ‘cause we’re going to have a tough time running after Adi at the carnival tomorrow.”

He felt a hand stroke his forehead, running through his hair. It felt good. He could sleep now.

“Daddy, wake up! It’s Saturday, you promised us. We’re going to the carnival today! Yuppieeeee!!!”
Nothing can be compared to the bliss of being woken up by your daughter jumping on your bed. He laughed as he remembered his friend's words, 'Any fool can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!'

The day passed with more of such cheers from Adi.

The excitement had reached the pinnacle by the evening. And the drive to the carnival was chaotic as expected.

"Daddy, I want to go to the Ferris wheel!

Papa, I so want a Candy floss.

Can I play the Water gun game?"

The joy on her face was transcendent. Balloon shoot, Whac-a-mole, SkeeBall, all accrued smiles, on both her face and his.

“Papa, I want to play Bingo!”, came Adira with an electrifying smile on her face.

“Ok Adi, let’s play.” Yes it was a déjà vu!

The game went on. Caller called, “Four, Eight. Forty-eight.”

“Daddy, I got the top line across!”, jumped Adira.

The Caller summoned her and said, “We’ve got a winner for straight line across!”

Adi came down beaming with a red box in her hand.

“Go ahead, open it!”

Neha stared at him with a smile.

But all he could think of was Dan Wilcox' words:

I don’t care how poor a man is; if he has family, he’s rich.

It was a weird pun in saying that he was living in a dream!

Freedom to be!

“What took you so long?", he asked. "I've been expecting your call for half hour now. You know how impatient I become when I don’t hear your voice at 8 every night!”

“I was out with my college friends so couldn't call then. I just reached home and the first thing I did, even before changing is I called you. And you still would say that I won’t give you enough time.”, she replied.

“Who were you with?”

“You know, just the regular group! Chirag, Danny, Amu, Adira and all.”

“Oh so you forgot to call your boyfriend because you were too busy with that Danny! If it is him with whom you feel comfortable and cozy, why don’t you say that to me? Why hide it?”

“I think you are taking this way too far! How many times have I told you that it is not the way you think? He’s just a good friend that’s it! Don’t attach any other tag to it.”

“OK you must not be having anything in your mind but I just know that it’s not the same from his side.”

“Please don’t say such stuff. And anyways it’s got to be equally reciprocated from my side. And I can promise you that it is not the case. What should I do to assure you of that?”

“Don’t talk to him henceforth. That is what would make me believe you!”

She was no more in a state to negotiate. She had no strength to argue on the same topic which was the reason of the rift since the last happy days she remembered. She couldn’t recollect for how long this had been going on. It felt like all the happiness of the day has sublimated without leaving any trace. She was tired; of ‘untagging’ herself off friends’ pics, of getting her ‘status updates’ censored.

She hung up the phone and switched it off.

She pondered over the situation for she didn't know how long. She’d read these words and they kept reverberating in her mind:

One doesn’t place any restrictions on other to protect or to help someone.  If we act that way, we are perceiving the other as a simple object, and we are seeing ourselves as wise and generous persons. This has nothing to do with love.
Also one doesn't love in order to do what is good or to help or to protect someone. Same situation again.

She couldn’t find reason why she held on to it. She remembered the days when they co-existed happily. The day when she expected the reply- ‘The Magic Moment’- that instant when a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ can change one’s life forever. She now felt that her life had changed indeed.

She wanted to be free again, be out of the bounds, have the freedom to be!
But something held her, she knew not what!

PART and parcel!!!

“I can’t take it anymore. I can’t let him go.”, she thought.

Never had there been a day that they didn’t meet, since the day he first held her hand. To be away from him for 6 months was a Herculean task. No! For her it was not just 6 months. It was 180 days, 4320 hours, 259200 minutes, 15552000 seconds and still many more countless, priceless moments.

She recalled their last meet. It was just yesterday that he sat with her on the same stairs where the shared the moments which would make the days to come bearable.

He tried to console her, “It’s just a few days dear! And anyways, Bangalore isn’t that far too!”

She just wore the sullen face.

“It’s not that I’ll be going away forever! I’ll try to be placed here again after the training! Then won’t you be the happiest person? Huh?”

She just nodded.

He saw tears forming in her eyes. Wiping them even before they rolled out, he said, “How many times have I told you that they’re precious? Even more than mermaid tears!”

It worked. She chuckled between the sobs. Now she looked into his eyes and said, “And you’ll be calling everyday! So I’ll just miss your physical presence! For your voice , I’ll have and I’ll have you around me all the time!”

“Exactly!”

They both had a hearty laugh over the clichéd lines!

His train was set to leave. She wiped off her tears and her lips now sported the beautiful smile. She wanted him to capture a smiling face of hers as he left. He didn’t say a word, he couldn’t! With a firm grip over her hands, he looked into her eyes. Those were the eyes! With a kiss on her forehead, he took a last dip in those intoxicating eyes. Smiled!

She relived that touch of his lips! The care she saw in his eyes and then the smile on his lips. She knew it was not easy, but it was just a matter of time. A ring on her cell phone brought her back to the present. With a vision blurred by tears, she read, ‘Meera calling’. She answered it.

A crying Meera responded, “How are you coping with the feeling? You know Raj is leaving on Monday! I don’t know when I’ll meet him next. LA is not even in the same time zone that we can talk regularly! I think of it all the time, but I don’t dare talk to him about it and upset him......”

She could barely control the laugh. Paolo once again was right, as he says in ‘By the river Piedra...’-

All love stories are the same!!!

Love is a Monsoon!!!

Love is in the  air  rains!!!

The flooding skies had forced him to wait under the broken shed. He held his helmet as he checked the status of his wet clothes. He loved the world around him. Kids had returned from schools and were now jumping in puddles; a couple standing under one umbrella, sharing a bhutta. Such bliss! Unmatched!

Now the rains had diminished to a drizzle. He wanted to keep savouring the eternal bliss, but he had just 5 minutes left. So he rode the remainder of his journey.

As expected, he reached on time. But more unexpected outcomes were coming his way. First: He heard the words: “Yes sir, we have a table free. No waiting list!” He actually took out his cell phone to check: Sunday, June 12, 19:03. Just then another shocker arrives. His phone rang- it was her!

“Where are you dear? I’ve reached the security check!”

“Ok. I’m getting a table for us.”

“Ok sweetheart, I’ll be there in a jiffy! Mwah!!!”

Again he checked his phone. Just 5 minutes past scheduled time? Not quite a normal her!

A snap of fingers in front of his eyes got him out of his dumb daze.

”Hello! What are you thinking about?”

Without much thought he said,” Your cherubic beauty is augmented each time I see you!”

“Oh, you are such a practised liar!”

And she walked to the table. As they sat, he felt the urge to ask her if everything was good because the punctual her was something really new for him. But before his thoughts could turn into actions, she started:

“You know what? I’d been to Marine Lines with some friends. The place was full of couples, but even among them was a stand-out one! They were like, old, but mind stuffed with youth. They were like, standing on the pavement, and facing the splurging waves. I couldn’t resist the temptation so I joined them & later, so did my friends.”

“Excuse me sir! Would you like to place some order?”

He cursed the attendant, but said, “A frappe for me and...” He motioned at her.

She asked, “Anything special for the rains?”

The attendant replied, “Yes ma’am, we’ve got a range of hot chocolates especially for the monsoon lovers!”

“Fine, get me any one from them, the best you think.”

He interrupted, “Make it two, and cut the frappe out”

She continued as the attendant left, “So where was I? Ha. Later when we sat and chatted, they told us how they’d first met and how the first few meets were just a coy smile and how shy both of them were to initiate the talks. Finally it was her who asked him out for a walk on the Marine Lines, in the rains, and it was the 50^th anniversary of that walk! Would you believe that? 50 years!!!”

(A waiter set the chocolate on the table and left.)

She continued, “And they were just 15 and 17 then! I couldn’t help but ask them the secret to it. And the grandpa says, ’just have something to love in your life and you’ll have a great reason to live for!’ I felt so jealous I tell you! But I’m happy with you because I know that I can make it through with you alone.”

She raised a toast (chocolate mug actually) and said, “With you, my Buzz Lightyear, TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!” He followed suit.

All he did all the time was smile. He remembered the days when they were ‘just friends’ and how they talked on matters ranging from politics and sports to mythology and philosophy. He had his own eisegesis and exegesis which he could talk about for long hours. But ever since he discovered his feelings for her, he couldn’t speak word when she spoke. For he never felt like, for all he wanted was to keep looking at her. And even now, he was staring at her smile.

Some more time and she got up with her bag and said,”I’ll make it real fast now!”

He posted a big smile as she left, and sipped in from his mug. He smelled it as he did it.

Life-time is a full year! With three seasons, it has its variety. Love is your chocolate. With life starting with monsoon rains, get your chocolate heated up to enjoy life. Make sure you have the right mug. It doesn’t need to be the best looking one, a cracked one too can keep it warm. It just has to be yours. Blow it a bit as you drink. Don’t gulp it. Sip by sip. Savour the sweet smell. When it gets cold, don’t worry! Just warm it with your hands. Yes, the winter will come, but the frost will go away.

And when the summer of your life sets in, you can still enjoy your chocolate, now cold, for it has still not lost its sweetness. Love will not be any less sweet. You’ll love life!!!

Don't let the monsoon go away dry. It's the monsoon that makes the chocolate worthy!!!

He saw her coming back and called for the check. She came and sat to finish her chocolate. He paid and they prepared to leave. But as she got up, he held her hand. “Don’t ever leave!”

Teasing him, the movie buff in her said, “Saiyaan, Baiyaan chhod na!!!”

He didn’t care! All he could do is smile!!!

P.S.: Title to the post is borrowed from a poem. Please listen to it too.

Love is a monsoon!!!

Love is a Monsoon (on Youtube)

Strawberries with cream!!!

It had been a very tiring day for him. He felt sleepy but he had to go.
He wasn't exactly into Hindustani music but he loved her, and she was to perform tonight.

The show ended with the Bhairavi and curtains fell with the applause. He got up and marched backstage. He found her getting redressed in the green room. He went behind her, held her in his embrace. She turned around after looking at him in the mirror. He kissed her on the forehead.

She asked him, "How was it? Which part did you like the most?"
He couldn't answer at once, but before he could, she caught him.
"You dozed off. Right? I knew that it was a waste of effort to call you for the show. You'll never understand the talent I've got. Perhaps you should have seen the faces of the mesmerised audience. But how would you see? You were busy dreaming!"
He interrupted her, "Why don't we go to some restaurant and talk? You must be hungry."
But she had not finished yet. "So now the sleep has made you hungry! And why do you want to take the argument before the public, at some restaurant?"
"I am not arguing, dear." He said quietly.
He was trapped again. "Yeah. I am the one who is! What d'you think? You think it's you who's keeping our marriage intact and I am responsible for it's sourness?"
"I didn't say anything even closer to that."
"You know what your problem is? You wont say a thing! You wont help, wont appreciate, wont even make an effort to do so!"
He remained silent. Okay, he might've dozed off, but she should've realized that he was deprieved of proper rest. The music moreover proved to soothen his mind. He now reiterated his "less" interest in classical music.
She seemed to have anticipated this reason. "Great! So that explains it all! You aren't fond of it, you wont appreciate it."
He felt the need to interrupt. "If I'd lied and said that I enjoyed it, you'd have been more angry and I know that you'd have guessed that I lied. God, I really don't understand women!"
"Women?" She snapped at him. "Which all women do you fail to understand? And what d'you think, I like to watch your dumb polo games? I dont find them exciting too. More than the game, what women wear seems to be a topic of greater interest there. But have I ever complained? I never failed to praise your game. So what if I don't like the game, I love you and I want you to be happy! But men will remain to be men!!!"

She walked off.
By the time he was jolted to reality, she'd left the room. He ran out on the road. He saw her board a cab and it drove off. He realized how biased the world was! A beautiful, young woman could get a cab without and efforts even at 11 in the night.

He walked towards the parking. Sat in the car for a second before putting in the keys. He took the car to the nearest fresh mart, went in and came out with fresh strawberries and fresh whipped cream. He had a mild smile on his lips.

Life was "Strawberries with cream". Strawberries could be sour and tangy, but the creamy moments made it worth living!!!