Reorganizing your stuff is not always a pleasant idea, but at the end when all looks sorted and nice, it gives immense satisfaction and pleases the mind. Not always though.
Yesterday was that exception. I came across the little CD she'd given when we parted. Full of songs that portrayed her feelings.
I realized I'd been staring at it a long time before I decided to play it. Loud enough that I was swaying to the jazz and swing and 60s-70s rock and pop.
All was good till it came to the ABBA song 'Hasta Mañana'. Words are like stones, they can sharpen a mind like sword and they can also shatter the heart of glass.
Luckily, the feeling lasted only for the length of the song. Perhaps because following it was the mambo number 'Sway'. And all was good and I cheered up again.
Some more songs saw my desk and wardrobe all assorted. Some songs that made me dance, some that caught me staring into emptiness. But it was done now. And the disk was to be shelved again.
If not the sorted wardrobe, then at least the fatigue makes sure you sleep well. Maybe not as well as the idiomatic 'baby's sleep'. Perhaps because babies don't have to organize their stuff. Long since my mother did it for me.
But I slept well. No dreams, no nightmares. Good sound sleep.
I had slept alone, tired. But I woke up with her thoughts. Thoughts that could disturb the whole day, make it difficult to focus on your work. They were there, there I was. And there she was, far away.
I had thought I don't care anymore, that I didn't give a damn. But the fact was that I did. And it took just a few songs to remind me of that. A few harmless, melodious tunes but lethal words.
What can I do now? I better keep that CD shelved.
Have I told lately, that I love you. Have I told you there is no one else above you. Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness. Ease my troubles, that's what you do...
Perhaps not anymore. No more.
